Roast Dog Recipe

Ingredients:
2 lazy indoor dogs
1 yard of dirt
1 bowl water
1 sun

Set outdoor temperature to 100+ degrees. Use full sun for even roast.

Steps:
1. Place dogs and water in dirt. Dogs may run at first. Lazier dogs will settle faster.

2. When dogs have settled, set timer for 15 minutes. Check on dogs every 2 minutes, or leave door partly open.

3. Dogs will turn themselves over and will apply water as needed.

4. If dog begins to whine or bark, check for doneness. Older dogs may be done sooner. How to test for doneness. Your roast dog is done if: voluntarily comes to back door; has a sweaty animal odor; is hot to touch; tongue hangs out.

5. Remove roast dog from yard after 15 minutes or when done. DO NOT OVERCOOK.

6. Allow roast dog to rest until cool.

Fires in Texas

Tropical Storm Lee, which came around on Labor Day weekend, knocked down our daily highs and lows by ten degrees. We enjoyed several days with highs in the low 90s. (Ahhh! Lovely!!)

Star sunbathes in the most grotesque poses. I'm always a little worried that my neighbors will freak out and call animal control about a mutilated dog corpse they saw in my backyard.

If I see a neighbor come outside, I make a big show of getting Star on her feet. ("Star! Come over here, you happy, healthy, totally alive dog!")

Sunbathing in the shade... in a really weird way.

But the weather was quite enjoyable. And then the wildfires started breaking out.

Mind you, we're no stranger to grass fires and brush fires. I've occasionally joined the community in impromptu fire-stomping on the side of the highway while waiting for fire trucks.

But it's pretty rare for fires to burn out of control in our area. We've had an unlucky combination of high winds (from Lee) and extreme drought.

One of many amazing photos from KXAN

We've been very fortunate that few human lives have been lost to these fires. The situation for many pets and livestock has not been good. Bastrop is a rural area, and folks tend to keep a lot of animals. Not just cats and dogs, but also horses, donkeys, pigs, chickens, and rabbits. As they evacuated, people took their pets with them whenever possible, but many animals still didn't make it out.

Some people were not home when the fires started and were left with anguished knowledge that they couldn't go back to their homes for their trapped pets. This event served as a strong reminder for me, that not everyone will be home during an evacuation to save their pets, so it's up to neighbors to help save those pets, if they have the time and ability. It's a good idea to become familiar with neighbors' pets (how many, what kind, and where they're kept) before there's a disaster, in case there's an opportunity to help those pets.

Luckily, the animal community around here is strong, organized, and willing. They've done an amazing job with rescue efforts and communication. Several hundred pets have been rescued, and I hope they will continue to find animal survivors now that residents are being allowed back into these burned areas.

Star's Poem

Haiku to My New Pink Best Friend

by Star

My new pink friend plays

chase with me but when I win

he is a bad sport.

The loser, being a bad sport (aka dead)

We've broken some temperature records here in the Austin area this summer (74+ days in triple digits, including a temp of 112 a few days ago, which tied the all-time highest temp ever recorded in our area).

The heat is taking a toll not only on us poor humans but also on the local wildlife. Some of the smaller critters, like the Mediterranean House Gecko (pictured above), have managed to slip inside to cool off. And Star is waiting for them.

Today's flattened gecko corpse is Number 6 in a pretty steady stream of summertime gecko corpses that I have found in the middle of the bedroom floor.

Star has been busy making friends with them.

"Um... My new best friend isn't moving anymore. Can you please fix it?"

Star is friendly to a fault with her gecko friends. She play-bows to the gecko, flops over and wiggles on her side, licks it, and taps it with her paw. Unfortunately, due to the fact that Star is 60 lbs and the gecko is less than an ounce, Star's playful moves make quick work of the gecko.

After a while, the excitement wears off, and Star lies down beside her mangled friend and nudges it mournfully with her nose. Then she walks off to look for a new friend—preferably one that isn't taking a sudden nap.

Number Six is in the minority, however. Most of the geckos make it out of the house alive; I do a "gecko sweep" before bed every night and carry outside any live geckos that I find. Often I will ask Star to observe while I carefully scoop up the live lizard and place it outside in a potted plant. I hope that through our modeling of appropriate behaviors, eventually she will realize that geckos do not want to play with her and need to be set free outdoors.

"Being older and wiser, I already have learned to just say no to geckos."

Food shortage woes

We ran out of Dozer's special rabbit-based, grain-free dog food. So did every single local pet store. So did all the online outlets (except a few who still have the tiny bags for jacked-up prices).

Dozer couldn't be more pleased.

"That rabbit stuff was gross."

The problem is, apparently, a shortage of rabbits.

I know what you're thinking, and I thought it too. "How hard can it be to produce rabbits? They practically produce themselves, don't they?"

We've substituted with another grain-free dog food, but it's not rabbit-based. It only took a few hours for us to regret the substitution.

"Whoo. Who cut the cheese?"

Dozer had an upset stomach all night, leading to 8 full hours of no sleep for anyone. Dozer is very good about expressing his feelings to you, whether you want to hear about it or not.

"Man, I'm beat. Eight hours of nonstop whining and farting really takes it out of a guy."

"Have fun in class. I've gotta catch some zzzs so I can keep you awake tonight too!"

Neglected

So, yeah, I got accepted to the Masters in Professional Accounting program at the University of Texas. One of the top accounting programs in the U.S. I'm pretty much guaranteed a job upon graduation, as long as I keep my GPA above 3.5.

It's a really short master's program—I'll be done in about a year. The brevity translates into a brutal pace. This summer's classes are a mere five weeks, crash courses in tax and financial accounting. The grades will be based solely on three major exams in each class.
Five weeks. Six exams. I'm not very good at math, but these numbers spell disaster.

"Soooooo bored."

Needless to say, I've been cramming all day, every day.
If I survive these next few weeks, there's only one day of break between summer and fall semesters. No joke, my calendar goes: Saturday–final; Sunday–break; Monday–final; Tuesday–fall class. (Yes, I have a final on a Saturday.)

I rather feel as if I've just leapt onto the back of a bucking bronco.

Please forgive me for being rather absent these last few weeks. I'm desperately trying to stay on this horse. I'm neglecting all my friends and family... and even the dogs. It sucks.

"Too busy to cut my nails? How tragic."

Masters of their universe

I'm back in school as of today, going for that accounting master's and CPA.

Summer classes are month-long crash courses on subjects I don't know much about. As you can imagine, when I'm not in class, I'm studying like crazy.

The dogs are doing their level best to help me. Fail, that is.

"Lady! Drop that book and let us out! Posthaste!"

OK, fine, we'll go outside for a little while.

"My piercingly shrill whining will continue until you throw my toy."

Go play by yourself. Please. I have to read two textbook chapters a day.

This is why someday Star will be diagnosed with skin cancer.

Okay, dogs! It's like 100 zillion degrees out here, the textbook pages are damp with sweat, and my notepad has spontaneously burst into flames. Can we please go back inside?

"'Scuse me, I have to smell your ugly shirt... while you're wearing it."

I'm begging you guys, please go play in another room. I need quiet, I have to study.

"HAI! I tore up this toy and now I have to PEE!!
Can we go outside?!? BTW, there's toy all over the carpet."

*sob sob sob*

Garage inspector Dozer

"Violation: no treats or toys on work table."

"Now performing 'ball test' to determine whether workers are properly trained."

"Subject neither picks up nor throws the ball."

"Second violation: Worker ignores Inspector."

"Gah, he's stepping on the ball! Third violation: Unsafe work place!"

"Fourth violation: Multiple workers clearly untrained to perform simple task. Shut it down!!"

Nail trimming time!

Star needs her nails cut today. The hardest part is finding her.

Do you see her hiding in the living room?

Now do you see her?

She's a bit bigger than the table...

I think Star is part ostrich.

"Argh! I can't fit my big butt under the end table!"

I'll have to trim her nails later. I can't convince her to come out.

On to an unsuspecting victim!

"So... uh... where's that treat you promised?"

The Grey Ghost

Star and I went to the pet store the other day to buy some dog food.

Star loves the outings, but she'd been cooped up at home for too long, and was on her worst behavior at the store. She couldn't hold a "sit," she dragged me up and down the aisles, she put the brakes on at the rawhide buckets, and she saw something in a pile of dog beds that she felt needed a good barking about.

We finally made it to the cash register with the heavy bag of food. For reasons I don't understand, when people comment about Star, they admire her coat color. And today was no exception. The sales clerk was a very nice lady, very chatty, and she almost immediately started talking about Star's coat color.

"Why, your dog has the most lovely color. That's just amazing! It's so unusual," the clerk exclaimed. "It's such a soft color. And, oh, her eyes are gorgeous. Just stunning, matches perfectly with her coat."

Star knows praise when she hears it, and she popped out of the sit in order to better waggle her behind. She whipped my legs with her tail, then turned to whip the store clerk. I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Thank you. We also think it's a nice color."

"Oh yes," said the clerk, "I don't see many of this breed with this kind of coloring. It's exquisite."

"You don't...?" I puzzled about this for a few seconds. "I thought it was quite common. When we went to adopt her at the shelter, there were several other dogs that looked just like her, color and all." Star started to bark obnoxiously at the shelf of dog beds again.

"Well," says the clerk, "she's quite a catch, I think. You know, this breed, their nickname is... they call it..." A long pause, while Star strained on the lead to sniff a suspicious stain on a lower shelf. "Ah, they call it the 'Grey Ghost.' Because most of them have a sort of grey coat, you know."

The clerk thought Star was a Weimaraner.

I didn't say anything to contradict the clerk, because Star is a mutt we adopted from the shelter, so who knows what she really is. Besides, Star was being quite naughty, and I felt Weimaraners could take the rap this time around.

Addendum: So you understand my surprise more fully, I must say that this store clerk was not your average kid running a register at a national chain pet store. This was a long-time employee at a small local pet store—a pet store that promotes "bully breed" adoption, no less, so it's not like she'd never seen a pit bull type dog before. This nice lady cheerfully went on to tell me some interesting facts about Weimaraners, since the surprise on my face told her that I clearly didn't know what I'd adopted!

Urticarial Vasculitis

Thank you very much for your well wishes sent to Dozer!

He is doing much better today, and today we have a fancy name for his crazy allergic reaction: urticarial vasculitis.

"Rhymes with treat!"

We went in today and the dermatology vet got her first look at Dozer after his hive attack.

The hives themselves are pretty much gone. Dozer looks totally normal when he's standing around.

Clearly feeling fine today.

The derm vet glanced him over and noticed the smaller bumps on his rear leg and said "Okay, so these are the hives?" Translation: "I don't get it. Why are you here?"

I said, "Those are some leftover hives, but you really should look at his stomach." We got Big D to lie down and stretch out, and I spread his rear legs for the full effect.

Day 3. Now looking rather like poison ivy or ringworm.

The redness is not quite as purple today, but it has spread so that you can see it all the way down his legs, even through his fur.

For the first time ever, I heard a vet say "Jesus Christ!" Followed by a lot of "Oh wow... Wow... Wow... This is so red... wow...."

I said, "This is day three. It looks different every day. I have photos of the last two days on my flash drive."

"I... wow... Oh my gosh..." It went on like this for a while as she and her assistant stared at the train wreck that was my dog.

After she had gotten past the shock and awe, the vet asked if she could take Dozer in the back and show him to the interns. She also took my flash drive and copied the photos, evidently wanting to use them in her lectures.

Which was all fine and good, but I really wanted to know what the heck my dog was suffering from.

Other than goofy-adorable syndrome, of course.

Anyway, after she brought Dozer and my flash drive back, and after consulting with interns and a few other vets, the derm vet said that Dozer had an episode of urticarial vasculitis.

Basically, urticaria is a serious case of hives, and vasculitis is when the blood vessels get inflamed and leak blood and fluid into the skin. In other words: Dozer's hives were so massive that they caused extensive bruising. Vasculitis also explains why the redness expands and turns interesting shades of purple, green, and brown over a period of days--the same way a bruise does.

Why and what to do about it are the harder questions to answer. The derm vet said that it could have been caused by a bug bite, a drug (like the cephalexin), or food allergy. Since D is on the rabbit-based food only, we don't think it's food. It could be a reaction to cephalexin, so we've decided to stop giving that.

But the most likely culprit is a bug sting, of any kind, from tiny fire ant to big red wasp. A bug sting would explain all of the previous hive outbreaks that Dozer has had, because he has always developed the hives after going outside for a potty break.

No matter what caused it, the vet has recommended that we try giving Dozer a daily antihistamine. That should put a damper on his daily allergies, and also stop these hives before they have the chance to go nuclear.

Most dogs would get Benadryl, but we are going to try hydroxyzine. You would not like Dozer on Benadryl. Nobody likes Dozer on Benadryl.

Hives(?) Photos, Day 2

Today I touched base with Dozer's regular vet over the phone, to update him on Dozer's progress after yesterday's hive outbreak: less itching, but the rash is spreading out and darkening.

Much to my dismay, our seasoned vet admitted that he has really not seen any dog with hives that present quite like this. He told me that he definitely wanted Dozer's dermatology vet to see this particular reaction. Perhaps it really won't impress the dermatology vet, he said, but it definitely left an impression on him.

Not quite what I wanted to hear from a very experienced guy that rarely seems fazed by anything.

The dermatology vet has never seen Big D's hives, or the aftermath. She has always told us to go to the regular vet. And after talking to the regular vet today, I realized the derm vet was probably passing us off because I keep calling this event "hives"—normal, boring, highly treatable, common old hives—which is a little different from "freakish burning red-purple lumpy rash covering his entire body," thus leaving her with the wrong impression about this event.

Anyway, here is day 2 of the "hives" (or whatever this is)—12 hours after Benadryl and cortisone injections. Note the worst areas, where the skin has turned a disturbing green-gray. Do any of you know why it would turn that color? I'm very curious about what is happening under the skin to make it such a sickly color.

Doesn't he look downright contagious? My mom came over and she was scared to touch him because she thought he had a communicable disease.

I'm sure it's an allergic reaction; I'm just not sure why it's so... gross.

"But it's Dozer we're talking about."

Dozer's allergies had been under control for the last several months. A little staph lesion here and there, but nothing major. High fives all around.

A few weeks ago, the itching started. The staph multiplied a bit. We went to the dermatology vet and got some cephalexin (antibiotic) to treat the staph.

The itching got worse. Dozer licked and scratched at hot spots. The derm vet prescribed prednisone and suggested increasing to three baths per week. Over the long Memorial Day weekend we dutifully administered his meds and bathed him twice. He developed a red "pinprick" rash across his stomach and chest.

And this morning, despite everything, he exploded in hives.

Covered head to toe in dark red wheals. Feet and legs puffy like marshmallows. So itchy he couldn't hold still for more than a minute at a time. He ran around the house with ants in his pants all morning.

We went to the regular vet. The thing about these hives is that they grow quickly and merge together into one massive uber-hive, so when you glance at Dozer, you don't really notice anything at first. It's only after you look at his purple-red stomach and run your hands over his puffy, lumpy sides that you realize it's not a layer of fat: he's actually covered in enormous wheals.

So the office staff, the vet techs, and even the vet didn't really understand why I was there. "You want a cortisone shot for him?" Look of confusion. "He has a little rash or something?"

And then I do the big reveal, pulling his rear leg back for a clear shot of his angry red stomach. The vet's jaw drops and he comes a little closer to get a better look, which is the only way to really see the extent of the problem.

As of today, three vets have now seen him in the midst of a hive attack, and all of them have had the same reaction: "Gosh... These are... so inflamed... Wow... Wow..." Leaves them speechless.

Today I asked if it could possibly be a reaction to medication he's taking, like the cephalexin—since these hives, which started as the rash, seemed to crop up soon after D started cephalexin.

The vet rubbed his chin. "That type of allergy is pretty unusual. But then again, it's Dozer we're talking about."

A shot of cortisone and a Benadryl injection, plus the stress of the vet visit, have knocked Big D out for the afternoon. Should offer some temporary relief while we try to figure out what caused this. What a setback!

Star's weekend adventure included a trip to the newly built garage.

Step 1. Walk up to the garage door and peek in.

Step 2. Walk inside and look. Stay close to doorway for fast exit.

Step 3. Scary as hell! Run back to back door and look pitiful until someone lets you in the house.

She's getting a little bit better—as long as the nail guns aren't popping. When the garage becomes the new destination for car rides and hanging out with Daddy, I think she'll come around.

Building a garage

Over the last two weeks, we have drawn up plans, obtained a permit, bought and received a semi truck's worth of building materials, and hired roofers.

Last Friday, our garage looked like this:

Over the last weekend, a crew of family and friends helped with our "barn raising." Today the garage looks like this:

You can see in the before/after photo that our photinia got pared down considerably. It is the big tree/bush on the left side of the garage. It was so large that it was in the way of the garage roof. We would have cut it down completely, but there were several birds' nests in it. After some inspection of the nests, we determined that only one was in use, and it was fortunately toward the front of the photinia--so we spared the front part with the nest. The birds are doves.

After the birds move out, we will remove the photinia and replace it with something a bit more appropriate for the space.

Star, as it turns out, is terrified of all the construction. The circular saw, the nail guns, and the air compressor do make a lot of noise, as do the guys when they shout back and forth. To her, I'm sure it seems like a war zone. The few times I lured her outside, she would only sit with her chest pressed against the back door like a weird little gargoyle, practically falling into the house when the door opened.

"Lady, I'm counting on you to defend our home. I will inspect the carpet. With my eyes closed."

We'll have to work on desensitizing her.

Dozer, who grew up around chaotic construction, isn't concerned about the noise. But he was extremely annoyed that no one bothered to throw his frisbee or his tennis ball all weekend.

"How can they reach my toy if I am on the wrong side of the fence??"

For the first time ever, I bathed Dozer on the back porch with the garden hose last weekend. I found it preferable to bathing him in the shower, actually. The sun was hot, the water was cold and refreshing, and I could lather him up and let the soap sit on him while he ambled around in the yard. Dozer's special soap is an antiseptic that sits on him for a minimum of five minutes. Trapped in the shower, Dozer quickly gets anxious and I get bored, so I usually rinse him off after two or three minutes. Doing this on the back porch, I could put the soap on him and let him run around while I did other things. I just had to keep on eye on him to make sure he didn't lick his soapy self. Dozer seemed much happier about the whole process, so I'll probably administer his weekly baths outside during the summer.

Next weekend will be more of the same. Our construction schedule is helped by the terrible drought that Central Texas is currently experiencing. Every day is hot and parched. We had our first real "rain" in months just last night, and the downpour only lasted about 15 minutes. Other nearby areas have seen a bit more rain, but our house seems to be under a dry bubble. The dramatic weather--flooding and tornadoes--across the country has been quite astonishing to see on the news. I hope you are all safe and well.